It's been some time since I've received a letter to pass on. This one's been percolating for a while, so there may be more, but I wanted to pass this one on, it's been sitting on my desk for some time.

Mom,

Before I was born, I fell. Through the bright, self-lit limbs of monstrous tall trees, I fell with the sound of the wind in my ears: WHOOSH. That sound and the exquisite, luminous white of leafless trees, and only darkness and silence otherwise. I stared straight down, because I couldn't focus on any single branch, instead they tore my view with jagged white like lightning, one after one, whoosh whoosh whoosh. They were all molten platinum veins glowing in the darkness, the limbs, and they were many and the same.

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The first few days, as I've said, we focused on breathing and I nearly lost my mind. Not actually, but a lot of effort went into keeping myself seated, not running off to go to the bathroom or looking for some other escape.

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The first few days, as I've said, we focused on breathing and I nearly lost my mind. Not actually, but a lot of effort went into keeping myself seated, not running off to go to the bathroom or looking for some other escape.

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The type of meditation I grew up hearing about was breathing meditation: quieting the mind and gaining focus through following a simple bodily process that is always present in a living human being. I find this method hard to use on its own, no matter how long I sit. It is monotonous, the breathing can be very subtle, and I've always found it easy to switch off my brain but keep the pretense that I am still following my breath. By the end of the retreat I had learned to meditate on my breath better, but in the beginning I found it difficult.

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The type of meditation I grew up hearing about was breathing meditation: quieting the mind and gaining focus through following a simple bodily process that is always present in a living human being. I find this method hard to use on its own, no matter how long I sit. It is monotonous, the breathing can be very subtle, and I've always found it easy to switch off my brain but keep the pretense that I am still following my breath. By the end of the retreat I had learned to meditate on my breath better, but in the beginning I found it difficult.

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